Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex – One of the Most Thorough Sex Manuals Ever!

Nina Hartley’s Awesome Sex Guide
First and foremost, I must admit that I am a sex book junkie. I love books, I love sex, and the marriage of the two, when done right, can send this self-proclaimed sex geek over the edge. It’s phenomenal. I could take a picture to display just a portion of the sex-related books and DVDs (yes, I own those too) I hoard, but you’d think I was a sex-a-holic. (Not to say I’m not, but if I am, I haven’t fully accepted it, so I’ll admit there’s a tiny bit of a chance I’m in denial.)

Either way, I happened upon Nina Hartley by way of an interesting conversation with a male friend of mine. He’s an open-minded sexually free spirit, so I tend to trust his opinion on these matters. When he mentioned her name, I was reminded of all the times I’ve leafed through a Playboy Store catalog or “window-shopped” sexual material on Amazon and totally skipped over her products. Considering our sexually wild kindred spirits, I decided to take his advice just a little and checked out Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex (a book, though he preferred DVD). Needless to say, I was not disappointed.

Quick Summary:

Nina Hartley, bisexual adult film star, discusses the ins and outs of sex for a general adult audience that desires to improve sexual knowledge and performance with a lover (or two – and maybe three or more at once) or by and for themselves. Chapters are broken down to discuss various sexual topics in a detailed, unhurried manner that aims to provide an exhaustive account of the subject that can enhance, refresh or enlighten the reader’s current knowledge.

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex: Candid Book Review
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex was one of the most comprehensive and entertaining sex-related reads I’ve experienced in quite some time. Hartley and her co-author, I.S. Levine, clearly know how to describe and explain the sex goddess’ teachings in a manner that’s lighthearted, friendly and even comical at times.


* Unabashedly pro-sexual and liberating. A self-proclaimed “unabashed sexual liberationist,” Hartley encourages taking erotic responsibility for your “sexual actions and intentions,” which is empowering, especially if you’ve dealt with negative social and cultural conditioning about how sex and sexuality should be.

* Encourages “know thyself” beyond mirrors and masturbation. We’ve all gotten the proverbial suggestion to “look in the mirror and relate to your vagina” exercise, coupled with “masturbate often” as the primary path to discover your sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with this, however, the most powerful sex organ of all – your brain – is ignored. Hartley pushes beyond this helpful yet relatively superficial advice, and instructs you to candidly address your own sexual identity, as it’s “vital to establishing an erotic link with a compatible other.”

* Organized, entertaining and detailed. As a bisexual adult performer, Hartley literally writes from experience in an intelligent, candid manner that’s peppered with personal anecdotes and goes light on clichés. Thoroughly written and detailed, GTS is over 350 pages, separated into 18 chapters that are broken down and organized into 3 sections: Basics (including orgasms, masturbation, foreplay, sexual positions and anal sex), Extras (toys, swinging, threesomes), and Options (BDSM – and each letter gets its own chapter). Makes for an interesting read – or coffee table accessory.


* Too much information for too general an audience. Though Hartley’s book provides an excellent resource for general audiences, I prefer specialized reads in most cases. It might have been useful for her to have three separate books- one book that’s for beginners and novices, another for intermediate lovers, and placed her extra kinky writings in an entirely separate book. Some of the information is at times too basic, and at others, too shocking, which, even if separated can throw the reader around.

* Not enough pictures. As a matter of fact, there really aren’t any pictures, which could break up the monotony of consistent (yet thoroughly engaging) text that comprises this 350 page sex manual. Then again, to be honest, I hate fuzzy black-and-white photographs; they make a book seem 10 years older than it really is.

Final Word: Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex is almost an essential requirement for any sensual connoisseur’s bookshelf. Witty, honest, engaging, and informative, Hartley’s paperback provides a near perfect intersection of sexuality, education and intelligence that you cannot find so easily these days. While some chapters might be too hot for some precious eyes and ears, Guide to Total Sex is one of the most authoritative and trustworthy guides to human sexuality you could ever come across.

Why The Adult Film Industry Absolutely Sucks And Is A Bad Sex-Education For Most Men

You might think the title of this article sounds a little extreme, but it’s not.

Allow me to explain…

I’m a firm believer that a man’s greatest pleasure in life is to totally SEXUALLY SATISFY his woman in the bedroom.

You know what I’m saying, right?

Giving your woman mind-blowing, earth-shattering SEXUAL PLEASURE beyond her wildest dreams — that makes you feel pretty good.

And that’s where the ‘adult film industry’ falls flat on it’s face most of the time.

You see, most porn is made for a male audience and it just shows female porn stars usually being quite roughly ‘screwed’ by male porn stars.

Now I’m not against rough sex.

In fact, it’s my experience and that of my clients that most women like the sex to be a little rough most of the time.

But there’s another thing women also like during sex — ORGASMS.

And this is why I say that porn movies are a bad education for men because the women on screen rarely seem to have an orgasm!

I believe that as a society our social skills are becoming worse with time. People are resorting to communicating with friends by electronic means (Facebook, Twitter etc) and we are forgetting how to communicate in ‘real life’.

This is leading to a lot of single people.

And what do single men tend to do a lot of?

You got it — watch porn.

So they see women having sex and getting roughed up, but they don’t see a lot of orgasms. And that’s a very bad thing because when these guys eventually get a woman — they don’t know what the hell they are doing in bed.

Here’s a pretty interesting FACT:

- 50% of women have CHEATED and most of them did so to GET BETTER SEX

And by better sex, you can read — GET MORE ORGASMS.

With all that said, I should just clarify that I’m not a ‘porn hater’. In fact, I’ve found some women I’ve dated enjoy porn. But they are very specific about what kind of porn movies they like to watch.

Usually it’s the ones with a bit of a believable story line and the ones where the women look like they are ENJOYING IT, read — having orgasms.

Women do not like to watch the run of the mill, ‘bang, bang, bang’, all about the male actor type porn.

So, what’s the bottom line?

Well, if you are single right now — spend more time off your computer, interacting with real people and don’t use porn as your sex-education tool.

If you are in a relationship, be very careful about what type of porn you get your woman to watch with you (if you do that kind of thing).

Above all else, whatever your current relationship status — remember to give women incredible pleasure and wild screaming orgasms in the bedroom. Do that and you’ll be doing better than 90% of the men out there.

Sex In Your Dreams – Understanding Erotic Lucid Dreaming

Many people like to explore their sexuality through their dreams. In today’s society, lucid erotic dreaming is included among the hottest trends. Apparently, there are a lot of different products, guides, books and meditation CDs available in the market that can teach you how to experience sex in your dreams.

In order to really master and perfect the art of erotic dreams you need to know more about this aspect of life.

The Possibility Of Having Intercourse With The Person You Fantasize

It is most possible to learn to lucid dream if your sole intention is to experience a deep form of intimacy with the person whom you ultimately fantasize about. Sex may happen in your dreams, but it will feel so real. Whatever you feel while dreaming are as real as the feelings you have experienced in the real world. This is because all sensations you have felt while living in the real world will serve as memories you will draw from when you lucid dream.

Real Dream Orgasms

Dreaming about sex can give you real orgasms too. In fact, it was even documented that dream orgasms are like real-like climaxes that happen with muscular responses, fast rate of heart beat and change in the vascular tissues. It is like wet dreams experienced by young boys who actually ejaculate in bed because of what they experienced in their reverie.

Erotically Charged Dreams

REM or Rapid Eye Movement sleep is very much biological in nature. Many things happen and occur while a person is in REM sleep; including sensual bodily changes and reactions. Men may have erections while women may have engorgement of their private areas. Such are all normal during sleep and dreams. In lucid dreaming, you are consciously aware of the arousal your body experienced physiologically. The same reactions can also be experienced when you lucid dream about flying.

What You Can Do To Have Sex Dreams

Fantasize. Before you go to sleep, you need to fantasize about the person you really like. You are most likely to have one or two fantasies that you are not able to realize or even share with other people. Such fantasies are ideal to be used when you want to dream of sex.

Watch An Adult Movie. Another way that can condition your mind for an erotically charged dream is by watching an adult film before you sleep. If fantasizing seems a bit difficult, then you can always play some titillating films on your DVD player. Make sure you can clearly hear the moaning sounds made in the movie as these will serve as subliminal messages for triggering your mind to dream about intercourse.

Meditate. When you meditate, you need to ease your mind from any worries and anxieties. The mind should be focused only on having intercourse. Only fantasies should fill up your thoughts; such as your past intimate experiences and also the best bed experience you had.

Pleasure Yourself Prior To Sleep. Right after you have watched an adult film, you feel probably in a hot mood to touch yourself. Do not hesitate to do so and feel free to experience solo pleasure. Not only will this release the heat building up inside your body; it will also condition your mind for an erotic dream.

Sex Ideas For Couples – Watch an Adult Movie Together

There are many sex ideas for couples that will increase the amount and quality of sex in your life and everyone should be striving for a healthy sex life. Sex with the one you love is one of the most fulfilling experiences and is something that everyone should be enjoying to the fullest.

Learning to enjoy and experience sex to it’s full potential is an ongoing learning process and the key to expanding your sexual horizons is to continually experiment and try new things. Many people find this difficult to do and still have the notion that sex and anything to do with sex is still sort of taboo.

Nothing could be further from the truth and that is why it is imperative to have many different sex ideas for couples. New ideas keep things fresh, exciting and allow couples the ability to grow their own passions about new sexual activities. Whether that be sex toys, new positions, sex games or something as simple as watching an adult movie together.

Settling down with your partner and watching an adult movie is one of the easiest sex ideas for couples to try in the comfort of their own home. Adult films are a great way to get each other sexually aroused and are a perfect way to explore your sexual fantasies and deepest sexual desires.

If you have never watch an adult film with your partner then you should definitely consider buying/renting a feature adult movie. A feature adult movie is essentially a movie with a plot and sex. Do not set your expectations too high and think you are going to be watching the next Academy Award winner. The plot quality in these adult movies varies greatly. With that being said there are some fantastic adult movies that are better than those on the big screen but there are others that will leave you scratching your head.

Whatever the case may be, watching a feature adult movie with your significant other is one of the great sex ideas for couples that will open the door to a whole new world of sexual possibilities.

Watching Adult Sex Videos Together – Movies Make Magic

Although they still have a stigma for many people, watching adult sex videos with your spouse can be a really great way to improve your marriage sex. Available in as many different varieties as there are types of people in the world, you can watch everything from very basic, “soft porn” as it is called to more graphic and experimental types of adult films. Sensual and erotic imagery is both visually and mentally arousing and may even plant an idea or two in your minds for what you would like to try with one another. Rather than being something that only single men watch in the dark, by themselves, while they masturbate, adult films are actually a really effective type of foreplay for many married couples.

Many couples may secretly want to watch an adult film together, but are hesitant because they are afraid to suggest it to their mate. For some women, there is a fear that their husband will find the women on film more attractive than they find them. For some men, there is concern that their wives may be turned off or find fault with their arousal. The reality is that watching adult films together can be a real bonding experience. It may take several tries to find a particular genre of adult film that works for you both, but in most cases, just the simple act of being “naughty” and watching other people getting physical is enough to start something fun for the married couple watching.

If you and your spouse have decided to watch an adult sex video together, then you should discuss what kinds of films are “OK” and which ones are “off limits”. For instance, your spouse may be uncomfortable watching a film that depicts more than one partner at a time. The object of watching an adult sex video together is to get one another turned on, not turned off, so be sensitive to one another’s preferences. One of the benefits of watching a sex video together is that you may get ideas for positions to try out. Also, having the noise in the background may also help lower your spouse’s inhibitions when it comes to expressing their pleasure vocally.

If you are looking for an easy way to improve your marriage sex life, watching adult sex videos together is a great way to start. Sit back, relax, pop in a video and let nature take its course. You may find that you are having the hottest sex of your marriage, in no time flat!

How To Keep Sex Hot Within A Marriage

You can burn down the house long after the honeymoon passion has cooled.

If the truth be known, most married people would just as soon stay married. They’d love to keep having hot sex with their spouses, and for as long as possible. They’d love to avoid tumbling into some tawdry affair, with all its messy and humiliating consequences.

It’s not just AIDS and the fact that we’re usually too busy or exhausted to attempt the extra-marital hunt. It’s that, deep down; we’re basically nice, loving, responsible human beings.

Who would like to get a little more?

So that’s the subject of this story: how nice men and women can keep married sex hot for the long haul.

But first, one-word bit of advice about the whole subject: Relax. There’s no reason to doubt your manhood or your femininity, or your love for your lover, if seeing her or him naked doesn’t arouse you as quickly or as wildly as it once did. It’s worrisome, sure. It stirs up all kinds of dark self-doubts. But in a long-term relationship, it’s completely natural and predictable to experience a gradual downshift in your sexual responses, and it helps just to know and accept this. You’re certainly not alone. (If it’s any consolation, there are several thousand other men and women reading this story).

Following are suggestions from the top sex therapists on how to prime yourself for long-life passion:


There’s a lot of talk nowadays about safe sex, but maybe sex (at least once the protection is in place) isn’t supposed to be ‘safe’. Maybe it’s supposed to be one big wild desperate adrenal rush with stuff getting knocked over and things busting apart at the seams – a few breathless moments stolen from death. Maybe that’s why married sex – at least the mechanical kind that we sometimes settle for – often seems hardly worth the trouble. Boredom is death to life, and death to sex.

As a result, sex therapists stress the importance of breaking out of boring sexual routines. Alter the pace. Try going much faster, or much slower, than you usually go. And remember, good sex doesn’t always have to be lingeringly slow.

Try some sessions of non-intercourse sex, when foreplay is the main course, not just the appetizer.

Or try some sessions where only one person gets all the goodies. Do it one time just for her/him. Then, other time, she’ll (or he’ll) do it all for you.

If you’re always the aggressor, try letting yourself be seduced. And sometimes both can be aggressors. The only limit is your imagination.


“Always remember that good sex begins while your clothes are still on,” say William Masters, M.D. and Virginia Johnson, the grand-dad and -ma of sex study. Getting in the mood is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or days, beforehand. Since good sex is just one aspect of a good relationship, it can grow naturally out of the time you spend together.

“The best sex times we ever have usually happen after hours and hours of talking,” says one young businessman who’s been married five years. “Sometimes, usually it’s Saturday, we’re talking all day long. The whole day becomes a prelude to bed. If we take the time to reconnect, to really say ‘hello’ again, after the madness of the work week, things often get very special after we turn out the lights.”


Address your mate from a new angle. For ideas, take a look at those classic how-to love manuals, Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana or The Perfumed Garden, an ancient test that describes something in excess of 200 positions. Tell the lady at the bookstore it’s for your kid’s school paper.


Sleep specialists tell insomniacs never to read or watch TV or do anything else in bed except sleep. Eventually the bed becomes powerfully associated with the sensation of falling asleep. Beds can also become powerfully associated with boring, predictable sex. So try getting out of the bedroom. Many people have fantasies of making love on the living room sofa but don’t do it. It takes a little effort, but it’s worth it.

Think of yourself as a Hollywood location scout, looking over your whole house for promising stage sets. Consider the kitchen, for instance, Kitchens are full of interesting things (Remember Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange on the kitchen table in The Postman Always Rings Twice?) Try the balcony when the stars are just coming out at night. Or your Car. Or a caravan got on hire.


Therapists often recommend setting aside some time to be together, when you’re not stressed out, exhausted or trying to do two other things at once (Yes, make a date with your spouse!) Arrange to have dinner together once a month, for example. Observe Masters and Johnson: “If you don’t spend much quality time with your partner outside the bedroom, it’s hard to create a sense of closeness and affection the instant you’re ready for sex.”


Okay, sure – sexy lingerie isn’t exactly an original idea. But it works. Black lace panties and those little French maid whatchamacallits with the straps have this amazing way of enhancing one’s sexual appetite. Ditto for incendiary male shorts or briefs.


There are certain kinds of videos that can’t be watched in the company of a woman without taking a brief, sweet intermission, which may help account for the fact that a good percentage of video rentals now are erotic films.

But watch it: many women are turned off by hardcore films; you might be better off trying something softer.

Also, remember that you’re using erotic films only to increase your arousal. It’s a huge error to judge your sexual performance, against the ‘stars’ of these films. Most women, confronted by someone like Harry Reems, would call the police. And film editors splice multiple sex acts to make them look like one continuous, marathon performance, which in reality would kill even the guy in the movie.


The most sexually satisfied women are those who’re the most open with their partners about their sexual fantasies, intimate sexual feelings and desires. It’s safe to conclude that you’re much more likely to get what you want if you simply learn to ask for it.

Sounds easy enough, but most of us don’t do it. Say Masters and Johnson, “One of the most amazing things to us about sexual behaviour is how reticent most people are to talk with their lovers about sex… We see plenty of couples whose well-intentioned caresses fall short of the mark because they’re too much, too soon, too little, too light-handed, too far off the mark.”

Many sex marriage counsellors observe a failure to communicate among couples they counsel. Very often, they discover that each partner has desires he or she has never brought up. Whatever your fantasy, it’s probably not as strange as you think.

How to ask? One expert recommends mentally rehearsing your lines before the big moment to keep stuttering, blushing and mumbling to a minimum. But maybe you should just relax and do it.

Most couples are very open to the idea of trying to make their love lives better. If you just approach your spouse in a nice, loving way – say, “I love our sex life, but I’d like us to try some new ways to keep it interesting” – you’ll probably find your partner may well have some ideas of her/his own.


One of the real keys to a satisfying long-lasting sex life is taking pride in yourself, keeping yourself up. Take your physical self seriously; don’t let yourself get sloppy. You notice when your mate lets himself/herself go, puts on weight, pads around in a bathrobe all day. It works the other way, too.


There’s something peculiarly male about the idea of focusing single-mindedly on one single goal – orgasm – and then driving straight for it, as though driving to a job. So, this bit of advice is for the men: Sex is a form of adult play, a willingness to take time to enjoy things, to go slow or fast, to try something new. Maybe we’d enjoy the game a lot more if we weren’t so focused on the score. And maybe it would last a lot longer.